I Exist Today, Unmarried, in Mimi’s
Wedding Dress
1:03 AM February 1, 2012
To Richie,
A crazy cousin,
A weird drinker,
A great artist,
A lousy lover,
A marveling connoisseur of mixed ethnicity.
I trotted behind my
Father’s back and tried to walk faster in my stiletto heels as he rushed to
leave for Alaska. He called me an hour ago telling me I should get ready to
leave. I left the office in a blink and sped home to get my stuff prepared for
our trip. It was my first time to finally meet our business partners in the
Arctic Circle and just the thought tickled my rather excited nerves. My luggage
was all set. I heard Dad’s car honk outside so I went to meet him. He surprised
me to death when he told me something that we hadn’t talked about when he
called me awhile back.
“What? But I’m supposed to come with you. You promised
to introduce me to our Alaskan stockholders. Why did you suddenly change your
mind?”
“Your Grandmother needs an attendant.”
“Nana is here and so are our seven maids. The
house boy and girl are available, too. Why do I have to do this? And you always
say she’s very much aware of everything going on around her that she doesn’t
need to be tended! You keep saying she’s mighty strong she can’t be abducted!
She’s too old to need a baby sitter.”
“Don’t say that about your Grandmother! You have
no right.” His index finger was barely an inch away from my nose.
“But you said you’d bring me with you so I could
meet the other international stockholders! Besides, Mimi is better off without
me.”
“No. You are staying here whether you like it or
not. Remember, you can never be where you are now if not for your Grandma.
Plus, your sister needs you.”
“Oh, please Dad. Why do we have to discuss about
this again? You know I ‘do’ appreciate that Mimi chose me among all her
grandchildren and you know I’m never good at attending to Shiza’s needs. Nurse
Pia is around. I can’t Papa. I just can’t.”
Before I could add more, Dad walked
away with his K-9, nine huge, muscle-engulfed men who made sure he wouldn’t get
abducted or assassinated. I watched him get in passenger seat of his black
Explorer 2011 edition. He waved, blew me a kiss, and rolled up his black,
tinted, one-way glass window before the Explorer drove off. I was left musing,
at the front garden, in awe of my firm and disciplinarian half-Chinese father. Being
a rich kid is not so much fun at times, not for me.
Some years ago, I was but a teen. I
loved hockey, ice skating, and golf. Before that, I was the best musician in
the family. At six, I perfected Beethoven’s 6th Symphony in C# on
the piano, composed 29 melodies, and won eight violin competitions. I cared not
for the family’s livelihood. My life revolved in my simple way of living: my music,
my sports, and my friends. On my 18th birthday, however, Mimi
dropped the bomb. In front of the entire clan, she proclaimed me as the heiress
and soon-to-be largest stockholder of the Chiyawan-Huang Group of Companies. My
cousins, Aunts, and Uncles shot me stares that ran down my spine. Though I
failed to understand what being a progeny meant at that time, I knew I would
never be the same. For two years, I had gone through a lot of tough training.
One of which is keeping my voice down when I laugh while watching comedies on
theater with Papa, Mama, and my Governess.
“Keep it down, keep it down.”
“Why? This is so funny Teacher. I’ve
never seen anything like…”
“Your Papa is looking this way. Stop
laughing too loud.”
I glanced on the seat opposite ours
and avoided Papa’s cold stare. My Governess touched my hand to comfort me-she
knew I would get some scolding when we got home after the show.
On one
occasion, while I tumbled on my seat upon hearing 1Bottom’s words of praise for himself after he’d been
turned into an ass, I noticed I alone expressed much amusement. Isn’t this
Shakespeare’s legendary “A Midsummer
Night’s Dream” that’s supposed to tickle the audience’s minds? I wondered why Mama had to cover her mouth
whenever she laughed and only let out high-pitched giggles when I knew she
really wanted to chuckle her intestines out like I did a minute ago. Moreover,
this was a comedy, isn’t it? I sunk in
my place as the show ended; my lower lip spurted fresh blood; I kept myself
from laughing too loud again when my eyes met Dad’s steady and dense gaze so I
bit my lip.
Before I had been chosen by Mimi to
be her successor, Papa and Mama were different. I remember how they had called
her “Lula” and ate the salted pork she especially made on holidays; when I was
declared to take her spot in the company, they called her 2“Mimi” and gave her special 3‘etag’ to the maids and Cordilleran employees.
Before the declaration changed simple lifestyle,
Mom and Dad were simple parents. They watched each and every show I was
involved in, as much as possible. In the mall, we walked and laughed like
normal people. At the park, Papa pushed the swing and Mama helped me hang on to
the monkey bars like normal people…but that was way back when we weren’t so occupied
in the family business and that was way back when Mimi was strong she needed
nobody’s help (she only began to deteriorate when Grampi passed away). Papa and
Mama took over her position and Papa became the Acting CEO. Mama managed the hotel
chains. They seemed to forget about the walks at the mall and picnics at the
park with me and my born-lame sister, Shi Za.
1
the famed character created by Shakespeare who thought he was “all that”, whose
head was turned into a donkey’s, loved by a goddess only because of a potion,
and still thought of himself highly than others
2
a term of endearment for old women in China
3
a salted and smoked piece of pork, either buried underground or dried in the
sun for a few months until the salt has penetrated
I shook my head and snapped out of
it. I’m 21 now. I had a disabled and “special” sister to tend to and an old
lady to care for while my parents were away for two weeks. I grumbled as I made
my way into the Italian-inspired mansion my Dad had bought and renovated for my
Mom’s advantage, as they said it. Living in a foreign blue printed manor seemed
to weaken my Filipino and Chinese blood.
Two days after my bitter
confrontation with Dad, I stood at our garden again and waited for Mimi to get
out of the car. Nana, our Mayordoma for as long as I can remember, a lady from
our province who was widowed at a very young age and immediately served our
family, signaled for our house boy to help her take Mimi’s stuff inside the
house. The car beeped and when the door opened, I was amazed at what I saw.
Mimi was elegant even in her straw hat, blue plaid shirt, black 60’s trousers,
and plain black sandals.
“Keilah Ysabela 4Akayya Chiyawan-Huang.”
“Yeah, Mimi. Nice to see you again.
What? Did you just drop by the fields?” She only laughed at my sarcastic
remark.
She hugged me so tight I almost lost
my breath. My goodness, this old lady! How could she still have such strength?
I wondered why she always called me by my complete name. Mimi had at all times
been out of the ordinary. She was aged but mesmerizingly gorgeous. She spoke
seven languages, including Chinese. She’s a proud full-blooded Igorota, yet she
learned the Chinese language when Mama said she would marry Papa.
5“Piao
liang, ne?”
“Ah, 6xie xie Mimi. You look more beautiful than me and you
seem amazingly strong.”
“Ah…ah…no. I will expire soon, my
dear, and you, you shall take my place.”
She was smiling. I wasn’t. That was
something I never imagined to be ready for. Also, she was telling me I was
pretty. Well, her vision has probably worsened, too that’s why she sees me
differently. Mimi had always been odd for me. We talked and talked about her
trip to the North Pole, from the Arctic to the plains of Texas, and from the
deserts back to the Philippine mountains where she had originally come from. I
didn’t care much. I only pretended to listen. She babbled and babbled on while
I led her to the room Dad especially had constructed for her so she would have
her own place of solitude allotted for her mysteriousness each time she decided
to visit.
4
a tribal Igorot name which meant “black beauty”
5
You’re beautiful, huh?
6
Thank you.
“You know Akayya, I’ve travelled
around the world. I’ve seen it all-the famed pyramids of Egypt, the hanging
gardens of ancient Babylonia, the ruins of Athena’s temple, the flower of youth
inside African jungles, the walled castles of Britania, the seaside of Milan,
the Pope in Vatican, the giant gods of Thailand, and even Via Dolorosa where it
was sworn to have been Jesus’ passage from His place of condemnation within
Pilate’s territory to the hill of Golgotha where He finally finished His
mission-all of it my dear, all of it. Nothing compares, nevertheless, to what I
see when I enter the realms of my father’s abode-the landmark where I dreamed,
strived, and began to make a name---
“Watch out, Mimi! That vase you
almost hit is a gift from my best girlfriend. That’s expensive and something
you’ll never see back home.”
I was lucky to grab a hold of the
vase that Mimi’s huge Cordilleran bag touched and luckier to have made her shut
up. The vase is special to me and I would probably grieve a thousand years over
its loss if it got broken by that green and red tainted shoulder bag. It was a
present from my friend who brought in much of Roman ancestry and antiques into
my home.
“Akayya, just like your mother, you
have become someone else. You hear but do not listen.”
“Mimi, you are such a vague person.”
I didn’t understand her statement.
“I shall go and see your sister.”
“Okay, Mimi. Do you want me to go
with you?”
“No need. I can manage.”
I watched my strange and still astonishing
Grandmother climb the carpeted stairway. Her words lingered on my confused
mind. What did she want me to grasp? I just shook my head and headed towards
the kitchen to check what Chef Boy was preparing for lunch.
“Mimi, let’s go. Time to eat.”
“Okay, 7Apok. I’m coming. I just got done changing your
sister’s diapers.”
“Let Nurse Pia do the changing next
time, Mimi. Where is she anyway? I can fire her for letting you do that.”
“Don’t Akayya. I asked her to go out
and buy more tissue paper; there’s nothing left on the drawers.”
7
my grandchild
“You should have just told the other
maids to do it. My goodness Mimi! Why do you have to do this? You can’t always
be everyone’s hero!”
Mimi shook her head, fixed Shi Za’s
blanket, kissed her on the forehead and walked past by me. This weird, old lady
was beginning to get into my last nerves and she’s only been here for a few
hours!
“I’d like to request something else
to eat please.”
“Mimi! Chef Boy had taken all the
time to cook this for your arrival!”
“Honey, I had ceased from eating
meat. Please grant my request.”
I had no choice. I beckoned the
maids away and signaled for Chef Boy to approach Mimi. When Chef Boy was beside
her, she whispered something into the chef’s ear and he cackled. They were
whispering and I looked like a fish out of water in there. I made a noise with
my spoon and fork that made them realize I was there.
“Yes, Madame. I shall cook it for
you.”
“Oh, thank you very much Boy. And if
you don’t mind, you can come eat with us on the table. Call all the other
maids, Nana, the house boy and girl, and the driver so we could all dine
together.”
Unbelievable! Mimi was defying the
rules of the house! I wasn’t going to let this insanity take over. She had to
know that she was ‘just’ a guest and I was still among the owners of the house.
So, when all the maids and servants of the house had moved towards the table
and Mimi was waving her hands at them, as if telling them to sit down, I made a
commotion.
“Out. All of you, get out.” I was
shooing them away.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m making them realize that there
is no space for them in the table.”
“But the table is 15 feet long.”
“Mimi, whether the table is just a
feet long, it is never a custom in this house to let the maids feast with us.”
This time, my voice was served with a pinch of harshness and firmness.
“In the mounts, when your Mother was
a kid, we all ate together-the servants, the boss, the workers, the tenants,
the landowners-all of us in one, long, wooden table especially made to promote
unity and a sense of equality among us. You see, they have a huge contribution
to who I am today and what I was able to build.”
“This is not 8Natonin, Mountain Province, Mimi…and Mom isn’t a kid
anymore.”
Somehow, I felt a pang of guilt as
Mimi’s face painted with pallor. I didn’t know how to apologize though, for in
the house, apologies were not given much attention. In the house, there was no
room for mistakes. All decisions and actions were either make or break.
“I’m going upstairs. Tell Chef Boy
to bring the food in my room.”
“Mimi…I…”
There was no speech that came out of
my lips. It was so difficult to spell out the word ‘sorry’. Something inside
urged me to go after her and tell her I didn’t mean to say what I had just
uttered. I wanted so bad to knock on her door as I stood outside and placed my
ear on the wood to check if she was okay. No courage seemed to come out that
moment. I walked out in dismay.
The next few days, Mimi’s actions
had become unusual. She only talked to me about business and administration
matters. Besides the family ventures, there was nothing more to chat about. She
avoided me. I felt it. At times, I heard her talk to Shi Za, as if my sister
understood. She also became the maids and servants of the house’s ultimate
favorite.
“She is so nice. Ms. Shi Za has
become more energetic and responsive ever since she came.”
“Nana had calmed down, too. She’s
not so hot tempered anymore.”
“Chef Boy feeds us good food now-not
just the remains of our boss’ main courses.”
Those were just a few of the
servants’ conversations about Mimi. Every time I overheard their discussions,
it made me think what was so special in Mimi that they could see and I
couldn’t. It was difficult to guess and as the days passed by, I didn’t recognize
that Mimi was leaving the following day.
An hour before dinner, on her last
day with us, she summoned me into her room. I knocked on the door softly though
it was slightly open. Hesitation very much kept me from getting near her. She
was fumbling over a piece of clothing when she noticed I was standing behind
her.
“You see this? This was my wedding
dress. When I married your Grampi, we weren’t very rich then. I had to wear the
Cordilleran custom dress and I loved it; Grampi and everyone who attended our
wedding said I was lovely. Beautiful, isn’t it?” She raised the colorful woven
dress for me to see.
8
a village in Mountain Province where rice planting and hog raising are the most
common means of livelihood
“Yes, Mimi.” For the first time in
my whole life, I appreciated the striking colors of the 9petay that Mimi had worn on her wedding. It embodied my
origin, my ancestors, my blood.
“I’m giving it to you.”
“Mimi…I…” I was speechless and
embarrassed.
“Everything I gave you is something
you deserve. There is a bright future I see in you-if you just look and see,
hear and listen, Apok.” She held my hands into hers.
“Mimi, thank you.” I was already in
tears.
“Don’t cry, Akayya. There is nothing
I regret. From choosing you to be my heiress, to giving you this precious
clothing that makes me reminisce all that’s left of what your Grampi and I have
shared, I do not lament over it.” She wiped my tears and held me in her arms
for a long time as I was shaken by my own tears.
“Mimi, I don’t deserve this. I had
been rude and I treated you with disdain. I’m sorry Mimi.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. Stop crying
now.”
When Mimi’s car left, I knew that I
didn’t change her life when she stayed with me at our alien house-she changed
mine.
Mimi had passed away a few months
later. Mom and Dad still didn’t allow the maids to dine with us. Shi Za refused
to smile ever since we told her Mimi was never coming back. Chef Boy’s cuisine
seemed to lessen in quality-there was always something missing in its overall
flavor (it was probably Mimi’s words of praise). Nana became a stern Mayordoma
again. The house boy and girl quit. Nurse Pia was often distressed because Shi
Za didn’t want to cooperate. The family driver frequently got caught in
accidents. After some time of dealing with all the chaos that Mimi’s loss had
brought, I decided to live in a separate house.
I am now 30 years old, present CEO
of Chiyawan-Huang Group of Companies, and unmarried, wearing Mimi’s remarkable
tribal dress on our company’s 45th year anniversary party. There
were guys-sharp, handsome, and educated-all around the Chiyawan Towers, a
skyscraper founded on my Grandmother’s hard work, but I couldn’t seem to find
the happiness in binding ties for eternity with any of them…or I just never
felt worthy enough to wear this red and green inter-woven ethnic dress down the
aisle.
9
an ethnic woven cloth worn by Igorot ladies on special occasions, usually in
colors of green, red, and black, sometimes adorned with feathers and old coins
hanging about
